Working With Infidelity In Couples Counselling
The aim of couple therapy is to facilitate a relationship for a couple this may involve a number of factors, for example improving communication. As a goal of working with couples and relationships, relationship facilitation is not meant to just imply helping a couple stay together but also includes support in the process of separation for a couple, if that is what is required of the therapeutic process.
Partners may choose to go into couple therapy for a variety of issues; however, infidelity has been rated as being one of the most problematical issues to work with therapeutically.
What is Infidelity?
A simplistic definition of what constitutes as an affair is: any relationship (emotional or sexual) that involves secrecy or betrayal, romantic or sexual feelings and most importantly, is seen as interfering with and detracting from the primary couple relationship.
Despite the substantial injury and considerable negative after-effects of affairs (on the couple relationship), extra-marital affairs and unfaithfulness is unfortunately quite common.
Research has indicated that men do have affairs more often than women do; it has also revealed gender differences in quality of affairs, with men regarding affairs as more sexual than emotional, while women regard affairs as more emotional. The emotional component is seen as being quite significant for women with regards to affairs, for themselves in an affair and even in the case of their partners’ affair(s), with women, at times, getting more upset at a partners’ emotional connection with another person, rather than with their sexual behaviour.
Affairs have also been significantly linked with marital dissatisfaction, as both a cause and effect of them. For men, affairs have also been linked with sexual dissatisfaction. Various researchers have indicated numerous other “reasons” for engaging in affairs: revenge, sexual addiction, wanting the excitement of an affair or to feel validated or to enhance their self-esteem, to compensate for feelings of loneliness or feeling unwanted in the primary relationship, or fulfill needs that are not being met in the primary relationship.
The Impact of Infidelity
The impact of infidelity in a relationship can vary from it being seen as insignificant, having quite minimal impact, to devastating a relationship. Infidelity is thought to be one of the most frequent causes of divorce.
Couples have reported experiencing oscillating intense emotions that vary between rage towards the participating partner and feelings of shame directed towards the self, and feelings of depression, victimization, betrayal and abandonment. For the partner who was not involved in the affair, this gamut of emotional responses are often thought to be accompanied by persistent and intrusive rumination about the betrayal, which can impact upon daily functioning and level of concentration.
The obsessive and intrusive thoughts can lead to obsessive-compulsive questioning, regarding the affair by the partner who was not involved, which can cause considerable friction in the relationship. The obsessive rumination and questioning regarding the affair is also thought to be an attempt to ‘make meaning’ of the infidelity.
Another element of the impact of the affair on the relationship is intense feelings of betrayal by the partner who was engaged in the affair, along with a lack of trust in the partner and in the relationship, and possible changes in beliefs about the partner, knowing who the partner is, and the relationship itself.
Amidst all of the intense negative emotions, some partners have also reported feeling introspective and moments of real awareness regarding the state of their relationship.
All of the above reactions can have an intensely negative impact upon the already damaged and tenuous relationship between a couple in which one of the partners has engaged in an affair.
Provided both partners decide to stay together and commit to making the relationship work, the partners are thought to then attempt to engage in a process of rebuilding trust and a reengagement with the relationship and increased communication and eventually forgiveness. Research has indicated that at times couples do find themselves having an improved communication and even an improved relationship after an affair.
Working with Infidelity in Couples Counselling
In working with couples, therapists often mention having to ‘play courtroom’, that is a ‘pull’ to collude with one partner over another, or having to ‘settle’ arguments and disagreements for a couple. This ‘pull’, along with being intensified with complications to confidentiality, is also intensified in the case of working with affairs as one partner, the one who was not involved in the affair, is often seen as the ‘injured’ partner and a victim, while the partner who had engaged in the affair in often seen as the betrayer.
Implicit in the polarized roles is the idea that the partner who was not involved in the affair was wronged by the other partner, hence should be supported, while the betrayer is condemned for partaking in the affair. However, therapeutically it is quite damaging to ‘take sides’.
Allowing both partners to express their views and opinions in an open and nurturing environment is quite challenging to create when the relationship is experiencing a lot of negativity and friction. The ‘injured’ partner has to be supported to allow for a constructive and open expression of their negative emotions; however, this can be seen as a reinforced attack upon the partner, who was engaged in the affair, by both the partner and the sanctioning therapist.
This also allows the partners to remain in their polarized roles, where all the ‘blame’ is afforded onto the partner who engaged in the infidelity, not allowing the couple to come together and examine their relationship issues which may have superseded the infidelity itself. Part of the therapeutic work, especially while battling against taking sides, is to normalize what both the partners may be experiencing.
To allow a couple to truly express how they may feel regarding an affair may involve assessing what the couple perceive to be a normal and expected reaction to an affair, and how and where they may have received those messages from.
Couples Therapy in the instance of an affair, promotes personal ownership of the client’s emotional experience, which is thought to help partners focus on identifying and verbalizing their own needs and concerns rather than focus on blaming the other partner or feeling victimized, a feeling state that is commonly associated with infidelity.
The first few sessions of therapy would be focused on addressing the impact of an affair and directly targeting problems arising from the immediate impact of the affair. The initial task, upon entering therapy, is to assess the relationship, the couple’s history and the impact and knowledge of the affair. Therapeutic tools, like cognitive-behavioural skills and the identification of negative cycles, are then used to target the behavioural impact of the affair, by targeting couple communication and exchanges. These strategies are quite useful during times of distress where a couple needs firm boundaries along with strategies to constructively express themselves and strategies for self-care.
The second stage of counselling is focused on helping the couple explore the context in which the affair occurred by examining factors that potentially contributed to the affair and identifying and deconstruction of negative cycles that led to the maintenance of relationship distress. This is to promote an awareness of the current relationship struggles in the context of their own and their partner’s relationship and developmental histories. This is carefully done while emphasizing the distinction between exploring the context of the affair and taking responsibility for the affair, which is not considered exempted by the contextual factors.
The focus is then on the issue of forgiveness and a re-examination of the relationship, with a view to the decision of staying together or not after the discovery of all the underlying factors. If the decision is made to stay together, a couple engages in strategies of relationship improvement and maintenance. The stages of therapy are not considered linear or progressive, with some work being done at all the different stages at a given point in time in therapy.
As a LifeWorks therapist, I look forward to seeing you.
Dr Lavina Ahuja
Lifeworks,
Dubai
If you would like to talk, feel free to reach out to us. An LifeWorks therapist would be able to help.
I’m Dr. Saba Aslam, Licensed Clinical Psychologist at LifeWorks. I have more than seven years of experience working in this field with all age groups as children, adolescents, adults and older.
I have worked with the patients having diverse mental health issues as stress, depression, anxiety, emotional behavioral problems, anger issues, intellectual disability, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, autism spectrum disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, interpersonal relationship problems, self-esteem issues, decreased self-confidence, or trust issues, adjustment problems, stress and coping related to developmental changes and physical or sexual abuse in children or adolescents.
I am proficient in using protective techniques, IQ tests, personality tests and other psychological and neurodevelopmental assessment protocols. I prefer to combine elements of various approaches, including humanistic, psychoanalytic/ psycho dynamic, gestalt, cognitive behavioral therapy, behavior modification, social skills trainings, dialectical behavior therapy and applied behavior analysis.
Education and Training:
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PhD Clinical Psychology.
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MS/M. Phil Clinical Psychology.
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CBT Certification: Cognitive Behavior Therapy Practitioner Course.
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Two Research Rewards for Excellent Research Publications
Qualifications and Memberships:
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Dubai Health Authority Licensed Psychologist (DHA)
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CBT Certification: Cognitive Behavior Therapy Practitioner Course.
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Member American Psychological Association # C2203825762
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Member Australian & New Zealand Mental Health Association (ANZMH)
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Member International Society of Substance Use Professionals (ISSUP).
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Member Pakistan Association of Clinical Psychology (PACP).
Languages:
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English, Urdu, Hindi
About
Raised and educated in Italy, Dr. Lorena is a highly experienced Cognitive Behavioural Clinical Psychologist-Psychotherapist. She achieved her 5 years Bachelor/Master Degree in Clinical Psychology at Padua University (Italy) and further she completed her professional profile with a 4 Years Master Specialization in Como (Italy) at the Post Bachelor Specialization School in Cognitive Therapy.
She also has a Master in Counselling at Brescia University (Italy) and completed level 1 and 2 training in EMDR.
She has been working as a Psychologist /Psychotherapist for 20 years in both Public, Private Hospitals and outpatients clinics.
In addition to her clinical skills experience, Dr Lorena has had an extensive involvement in teaching, clinical research and publications in different fields such as Binge Eating Disorders and Psychological Rehabilitation after heart attack.
After moving to Dubai in 2012 Dr. Lorena got a DHA Licence as Clinical Psychologist and provides psychological treatments in a wide range of mental health and emotional issues.
Qualifications
- Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology-University of Padua(Italy)
- Postgraduate degree in Cognitive Therapy – Postgraduate School of Como (Italy)
- Postgraduate degree in Counselling-University of Brescia (Italy)
- EMDR- level 1 and 2
- Couple Therapy Gottman Method -Level1
- Member of Italian Society of Psychologists-Pychotherapists – Lombardy Region
- Member of CBT–Italy
- Dubai Health Authority Licence
Expertise
- Anxiety Disorders ( Panic attack, Generalized Anxiety, Social Phobia, Specific Phobia , Obsessive Compulsive Disorders)
- Mood Disorders ( Major Depression , Post partum Depression, Cyclothymia, Dysthymia) Adjustment Disorders
- Personality Disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder. – Avoidant PD- Dependent PD.)
- Eating Disorders -Anorexia-Bulimia- Binge Eating Disorder
- Relational Difficulties
- Worry and Rumination
- Workplace stress and burnout
- Self- esteem
- Parent training
- Post -Traumatic Stress Disorder
- Coping with Emotional and psychological problems during Covid19
Therapies
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy ( third wave approach)
- Post-Rationalism Cognitive Therapy approach
- Attachment theory approach
- Mindfulness Approaches
- EMDR
- Marital/couple Therapy ( Gottman approach)
About
Maryam has master’s degree in Relationship therapist and has been working in the Mental Health field since 2009. She believes that therapy is a collaborative process and she kindly guides clients to increase self-awareness, gain new perspectives, decrease symptoms, and increase personal strengths to have a more meaningful life experience.
Throughout her career, Maryam has worked with adults, adolescents, and children, across various settings, including private practice and outpatient primary care clinics, in Netherlands and UAE. She has been working as a psychologist in UAE since 2013.
Maryam has extensive experience in applying various Social worker including Neurofeedback therapy, ABA (behavior) therapy, Counseling and relationship therapy.
In her clinical practice, Maryam helps the individuals t
- Manage their moods and emotions
- Process anxiety
- Reduce levels of general distress and discomfort
- Increase attention and the ability to focus
- Improvement of memory
- Treatment of headache and migraine
Maryam uses a warm, empathetic approach to create a safe and nonjudgmental space where clients can learn, grow, and achieve their goals. She makes sure to offer flexibility, meet the individuals where they are, and have patience to help each individual feel secure throughout the process. She always encourages open communication regarding the course of therapy and goal achievement.
Education
- Master of Relationship therapist/System therapy VU University, Amsterdam
- Bachelor of Social Work (BSW), Hogeschool University of Holland, Enschede
- Neurofeedback therapist
Board Certifications:
- Community Development Authority License (CDA), Dubai, UAE
- Certificate of completion the Biofeedback and Neurofeedback of New York.
Languages
- English
- Dutch
- Persian
- German
About
Ritasha Varsani is a CDA licensed Psychologist practicing in Dubai. She has an experience of over ten years in providing psychotherapy to a diverse population in a mental health settings in India and United States. She has been professionally trained from USA and her expertise lies in Marriage, Family and Child Therapy. She offers problem solving insights with evidence based therapies to clients giving them the strength to express themselves and promotes equal privilege is what she believes in.
“Empathy and sensitivity is key to connecting with people on a human level”. I support my clients by cultivating the ability and demonstrating with authenticity, vulnerability and honesty and increase their sense of their own well being. As a result of her approachable, non-judgmental and compassionate attitude her clients feel safe in addressing and overcoming developmental challenges, psychological obstacles and traumatic life experiences.
Her Therapeutic Approach
Ritasha uses an integrative approach by incorporating interpersonal and psychodynamic principles and evidence based therapies such as Cognitive behavior therapy, motivational interviewing, narrative therapy, compassion focused therapy, solution focused therapy, family therapy. She takes a client centered and culturally competent approach to facilitate progress and change by quality of care and moving through the journey of recovery. Her age range of clients varies from preschool kids to adolescents, individuals and couples/ families providing therapeutic interventions in individual and group settings.
Specialization:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Marital and family Disputes
- Personality Disorders
- Anger Management
- Bereavement
- Premarital guidance
- Self identity and life transition issues
- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ( OCD )
- Trauma and stressor-related disorders
- Mindfulness
- Psycho education Qualifications and Memberships
- Bachelor of Arts in Psychology – St Xavier’s College, Ahmedabad
- Masters in Psychology with a concentration in Marriage & Family Therapy – San Francisco, USA
- Certificate of Introduction to Compassion Focused Therapy – NHS, London
- Certificate of Applying Hope to Couple Therapy – American Psychological Association
- Member of American Psychological Association, International Affiliate ( APA )
- Member of Middle Eastern Psychology Association ( MEPA )
Education
- Bachelor of Arts in Psychology – St Xavier’s College, Ahmedabad
- Masters in Psychology with a concentration in Marriage & Family Therapy – San Francisco, USA
- Certificate of Introduction to Compassion Focused Therapy – NHS, London
- Certificate of Applying Hope to Couple Therapy – American Psychological Association
- Member of American Psychological Association, International Affiliate ( APA )
- Member of Middle Eastern Psychology Association ( MEPA )
Languages
- English
- Hindi
- Gujarati
About
Safia Ali Malik is DHA licensed Clinical Psychologist with comprehensive knowledge and understanding on different therapeutic techniques. Compassionate, dedicated and empathetic with clients. Experience of working with clients with different needs and nationalities with utmost cultural sensitivity. Excel at providing adolescents and adults with individual psychotherapy to help them facilitate their social and personal growth and allow them to lead more meaningful and fulfilling lives.
She specializes in psychological and educational assessments and provides individual, family and group therapies.
Her Therapeutic Approach
Psychometric and Psychological assessment, Cognitive therapy, Group therapy, individual therapy, Management, Dialectic Behaviour therapy, Solution Focused and Problem solving Approaches depending on the need of the client.
Specialization:
- Behavioural Disorders
- Anxiety Management
- Psychometric Assessment
- Cognitive problems
- Coping skills
- Grief therapy
- Mindfulness
- OCD and PTSD.
Education
- Masters in Psychology from Government College University Lhr, Pakistan.
- Post Graduate Diploma in Child and adult Psychotherapy from Government College University Lhr, Pakistan.
- Graduation in Psychology from Punjab university Lhr, Pakistan.
Languages
- English
- Urdu (Hindi)
Corina has her master’s degree in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and has been working in the Mental Health field since 2007. She believes that therapy is a collaborative process and she kindly guides clients to increase self-awareness, gain new perspectives, decrease symptoms, and increase personal strengths to have a more meaningful life experience.
Throughout her career, Corina has worked with adults, adolescents, and children, across various settings, including private practice and outpatient primary care clinics, in Romania, Spain and UAE. She has been working as a psychologist in the Emirates since 2017, in Abu Dhabi and Dubai. Her last position was in a children’s medical center, where she had helped families overcome various challenges, such as anxiety, depression, challenging behaviors and OCD, to name a few.
Corina has extensive experience in applying various empirically-supported Cognitive Behavioral Therapies (CBT), including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), Solution Focused Brief therapy (SFBT), Trauma Focused CBT (TF-CBT) and Motivational Interviewing (MI).
In her clinical practice, Corina delivers evidence-based treatments to individuals facing a wide range of emotional, behavioral and adjustment problems, such as:
- Anxiety Disorders
- Anger and Stress Management
- Behavioral Challenges
- Depression
- PTSD
- Self-Harm Behavior
- Grief and Loss
- Obsessive- Compulsive Disorder
- Trauma
- Family and Relationship Challenges
- Low Self Esteem
- Suicide prevention
Corina uses a warm, empathetic approach to create a safe and nonjudgmental space where clients can learn, grow, and achieve their goals. She makes sure to offer flexibility, meet the individuals where they are, and have patience to help each individual feel secure throughout the process. She always encourages open communication regarding the course of therapy and goal achievement.
Education:
- Master Degree in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Bucharest, Romania
- Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology, Bucharest, Romania
Board Certifications:
- Community Development Authority License (CDA), Dubai, UAE
- Romanian College of Psychologists, Bucharest, Romania
Languages:
English, Romanian, Spanish
About
Dr.Marwa Abd El Hamid is a certified and trained psychologist with over 16 years of experience working in different countries in a variety of settings. She Specializes in Clinical and Educational Psychology. She has been associated with large hospitals, schools and corporate clients in UAE, Saudi Arabia, and Egypt in conducting sessions on various mental health issues including stress management, parenting and child development, and mindfulness for holistic wellbeing.
As a professional psychologist, she is continually inspired by people’s ability especially she believes deeply that the people themselves are the real experts in their own lives.
Her therapeutic approach
Cognitive behavioral therapy, Dialectic behavior therapy, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, Solution Focused on compassion based therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Existential therapy as well as Psychodrama and group therapy based on the needs of the client.
Areas of Specialization for Children
- Kids & Special needs (play therapy).
- Dealing with Autism – Asperger – Down syndrome using (PECS –TEACCH –HELP –LOVAAS-INTEGRATION-PORTAGE).
- Skills development.
- Childhood Emotional disorders.
- Behavioral Problems.
- Attention difficulties.
- Developmental learning difficulties.
- Cognitive difficulties.
- Difficulties of remembering.
- Difficulties in conceptual formation.
- Difficulty solving problems.
Professional Experience
- Adjustments to life transitions like adoption, bereavement, divorce, relocation.
- Mood disorders like depression, and Bipolar disorders.
- Low self-esteem.
- Body image issues.
- Anxiety disorders like phobias, panic, OCD and PTSD.
- Pre-marital counseling and couples counseling.
- Family Conflict Therapy.
- Trauma.
- Addictions.
- Anger and stress.
- Career decisions and work-life balance.
- Mindfulness for the holistic wellbeing.
- She has also worked with Kids with special needs.
Education
- Ph.D. in psychology Ain-Shams University.
- Master in Educational Psychology Ain-Shams University.
- Special diploma in Mental Health Alexandria University.
- Professional diploma in Special Education Alexandria University.
- Educational Diploma in Education at Alexandria University.
Board Certifications or equivalent
- Community Development Authority (CDA), Dubai.
Languages
- Arabic
- English
About
Dr. Sravani Behara, is Specialist Psychiatrist, MBBS ; MD, MRCPsych (UK) and Medical Director at LifeWorks Holistic Counselling Centre. She is experienced in managing mental health conditions across all age groups in both OP, IP settings using various pharmacological and psychological approaches.
She has also worked as an Asst. Professor in a 650 bedded tertiary care teaching hospital (Nimra Institute of Medical Sciences, India) for more than three years and one year in a Government Medical College (Siddhartha Medical college, India). He has extensive experience in handling child guidance, geriatric, de-addiction, general adult clinics.
Areas of expertise include:
- Anxiety disorders (Generalised anxiety, panic disorder)
- Phobias (social and specific phobias)
- Obsessive and compulsive disorders
- Puerperal disorders (postpartum blues, postpartum depression)
- Affective disorders (depression, BPAD, mania)
- Psychosis (schizophrenia and acute psychotic conditions)
- Stress related disorders(PTSD)
- Substance abuse disorders (alcohol, tobacco, cannabis)
- Eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia nervosa)
- Personality disorders (schizoid, borderline)
- Child psychiatry (ADHD, Autistic spectrum and bedwetting)
- Conversion disorders
- Neuropsychiatry
Qualifications & Memberships
- MBBS, MD (Psychiatry)
- DHA licensed
Languages
- English
- Hindi
- Telugu
FaQ’s
- Who is a psychiatrist? Psychiatry is the branch of medicine that is concerned with the diagnosis, treatment, and prevention of mental, emotional and behavioral disorders. A psychiatrist is a physician who specializes in mental health, including substance and other addictions.
- When should I see a psychiatrist? You should see a psychiatrist suffering from:
– Finding it hard to cope with the death of a loved one.
– Tension and anxiety and depression
– Phobias and Worthlessness
– Family and Relationship Problems
– Performance enhancement and Lack of concentration
– Chronic sadness and Guilt
– Irritability and Fatigue
- What are the major diseases that psychiatrists treat?
Psychiatrist treat disorders like anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, obsessive-compulsive and related disorders, trauma- and stressor-related disorder, sexual dysfunctions and gender dysphoria, substance-related and addictive disorders, and schizophrenia.
- Difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist?
Psychologists focus on psychotherapy and treating emotional and mental suffering with behavioral intervention. Psychologists are also qualified to conduct psychological testing but in most cases, cannot prescribe medications to their patients.
- What happens in your first appointment with a psychiatrist?
The first appointment with a psychiatrist is usually one hour long. During your meeting, your psychiatrist listens to you talk about your concerns and symptoms, asks questions about your general health, asks about your family history, takes your blood pressure and do a basic physical check-up and might asks you to fill out a questionnaire.
About
Dr. Bassem Hamed Mohamed Badr is an Egyptian Consultant Psychiatrist and Fellow of American Psychiatric Association, with 25 years of experience. He graduated from Alexandria University in 1993 with MBBch in Medicine, he then went to on to complete further education with a Diploma of Psychiatry and Addiction Practice, Master of Science in Neuropsychiatry, Diploma in Mental Health, Diploma in Hospital Administration and then ultimately received his Medical Doctorate in Psychiatry in 2008 at the University of Suez Canal in Egypt. He is also licensed as Aeromedical examiner: GCAA, General Civil Aviation Authority
Dr Bassem Badr provides comprehensive care for patients of all ages. He believes that the best outcomes are achieved through a combination of professional excellence and an empathic approach. As an expert in the field of general and adult psychiatry, he adopts an approach that is based on a combination of the psyche, the soma, and the spirit through both scientific and philosophical overviews.
Professional Experience
Not only has Dr. Bassem worked in Senior Roles in Hospitals in Dubai, Kuwait, and Egypt but he has also been a Lecturer and Professor at several Educational Institutes, a peer to peer speaker and a coordinator for various addiction treatment programs. He has contributed to scientific research in a number of medical journals. He is also a talented writer in the field of social and psychological problems and has had many publications in reputable newspapers and magazines.
Areas of Specialization
- Depression
- Grief
- Adjustment disorders
- Sleeping and eating disorders
- Panic attacks and anxiety disorder
- Obsessive compulsive disorders
- Schizophrenia
- Personality disorders
- Substance use and drug addiction
- Marital and sexual disorders
- Manic depressive disorder
- Dementia
- Cognitive disorders
- Memory disturbance
- Phobias
- Bipolar diseases